Category: the Rant Board
1. People who just stand on the directional tiles on train platforms
2. People who jump over your cane
I've had problems with that second one before. Or people who deliberately sit in a spot and/or position where there's basically no possibility of avoiding running into them and/or poking them with the cane. The reasoning behind this is so that they can later claim you did it deliberately and hopefully get you in trouble. Then of course there are the folks who walk up to you and grab you and start pulling you in the direction they think! you're trying to go, regardless of whether it was in fact were you were headed or whether you needed help or not. And if you stand up for yourself, regardless of how polite you are when you do it, a fair few of these folks will then consideryou ungreatful.
1. People who chew their food too loud. I understand we all need to chew, but for me it's like nails on a chalkboard.
2. People who don't shower, or if they do, don't shower enough to get the stench of not showering off them. Don't be afraid of the soap; spread it around.
3. People who believe they're extremely intelligent (or who actually are), but act like only their oppinion matters, or that other people are stupid.
4. People who feel they always have to be right.
5. People who start a debate for the soul reason of stirring contention, or to give them an oppertunity to mouth off.
6. People who can't help but talk about how piss drunk they got last weekend, and how they may or may not have banged some man or woman or both. Ride a bus; you'll hear what I mean.
7. Mimes. They're creepy, wierd and completely silent. Only reason they're better than clowns is because I can close my eyes and pretend they aren't there.
Trees growing out of sidewalks. I swear, there's one like every five fucking feet around here.
hahaha. I hear that one; the trees on sidewalks thing. that is annoying, but unfortunately unavoidable. some of them could be avoided though, if people would use a bit of common sense, like:
1. people who assume you're going to the address nearest the bus stop you get off at, and are intent on taking you there, no matter how many times you tell them that's not where you're trying to go.
2. People who sit on benches or seats on buses and trains with their legs stretched out completely, then get offended when you hit their feet with your cane. I understand if you're just sitting there with your feet on the floor minding your own business and someone trips over your feet, but come on. You're not the only people on this bus, or this bench, or whatever. and this doesn't have anything to do with being blind, per say. I'm sure some sighted people get annoyed by this, too.
3. people who insist on completing tasks for you that may be the only reason you happen to be out and about in the first place, like taking out the trash. I understand they're trying to help, and I appreciate it, but some people cannot take "I don't need your help", or "it's Ok. I got it", as an answer.
and finally,
4. Those rare but extremely annoying people who wait for you to cross the street, sometimes even honking impatiently at you. then when you finally give up trying to wave them on and cross, they start driving, then honk at you like you just tried to cross in front of a moving car.
at post 3, totally with you on the people who think they know everything. that gets to me too.
hmm.. what are some of mine
1. people that say oh i'm going to do this, that and the other, at a certain time, and they constantly never show up. when you ask them why, they just say that they couldn't be bothered
2. people who think that their own problems are more important than other people's and refuse to even see that other people are suffering.
3. attention seekers. people that say oh look, my life sucks, i'm going tokill myself, everyone hates me, that kind of thing. for people like us that do actually feel that way, i think it's very harsh. also people that say to people oh look, i have a certain illness, i'm going to die in a week, 3 4 months down the line they are still going strong and admit that all that stuff was made up to get attention.
4. people that make up stuff just so that they can pretend to know what you're going through, or ask how they can be like you- again, why would anyone want to be ill?. beyond me
6. people that want everything handed to them on a silver plate. some people are just lazzy
7. backstabbers- you put all your trust in someone as a friend, then they go and spread crap about you
As for O&M, whether I'm traveling with my dog or my cane:
People who grab me even though I'm doing perfectly well on my own! I don't apreciate being grabbed....and if someone is at all concerned they should think of talking to me before just grabbing me.
Creepy guys who ask to help me cross the street or off the train or somewhere else, just because I'm blind doesn't mean I don't have sense enough to know just by the way your acting/grabbing onto me/talking to me that your a creep, get the hell away.
People who pet my guide dog and after I tell them politely to please stop because my dog is working they act all offended and hurt and continue to go on how their "just trying to pet a dog."
Traveling with a huge group of blind people with significantly poor travel skills...
Ohhh, sorry. I didn't realize this was an orientation and mobility thread. In that case, Orientation and mobility itself is a pet peave for me. Mainly because we have one person serving an entire island, and you can only see them once or twice every few months.
mine happened today
going to a train station which has special accessible gates where people with travel passes get free entry, but there is no guard around to open it, so old people behind u swipe there ticket for the two of you but don't tell you but just push you through the barrier thinking they're being helpful, huge pet hate!
Sighted folks who think all blind people can or should get a dog, no matter what the mobility skill level is. I know I don't qualify and i know I never wanted to clean up after a dog, but tell the sighted world we all are not equipped or qualified to use a dog.
Exactly, or the people who think that people with a dog guide are somehow better or more independent than us cane users. there is nothing whatsoever wrong with getting a dog, but cane users can be just as independent. some of us would rather just come into the building and put our cane in a corner. that's not to say we're not responsible. many of us love to have dogs as pets. Not to mention even dog guide users I've talked to admit that travelling with the dog is a completely different animal, (no pun intended), than cane travel. some people prefer one; some people prefer the other.
1. People who think that just because I'm traveling with a dog guide that I want them to interupt whatever conversation I'm in to listen to every story about every dog they've ever had drive me nuts.
2. In sidewalkless areas, people who park curbside when there's a completely empty driveway for their car irritate me.
3. People who are trying to be helpful by opening doors and holding them for me but then won't get out of the way so I can pass through really screw with my world. Yeah, I know I'm only 5 feet tall but really, I don't want do the limbo under your smelly armpits to enter.
4. The term "over there". enough said lol
agreed with that last one about the never ending "I had/have this dog" stories! Also it is annoying when people decide to make barking or growling or baby voices at me and my dog. I know it's exciting to see a dog where it might not normally be allowed but just...please, it's weird and distracting.
When I use my cane I also do not like when people around act like just because I'm trying to get by and might graze by them with the cane like I'm looking to beat people with my "stick" I know others mentioned that and it really is irritating.
Totally agree with posts 10 and 11. I don't ever plan on getting a guide dog, because I've never liked dogs all that much. I hate it when people think that choosing to use a cane is somehow selling yourself short.
I agree. The thing I hate, and my mom has a neighbor who's particularly bad about this, are people who assume that the cane is some magical device that somehow tells us were the door to the building is, regardless of how far away we are from it. I've mentioned this before, but this happeed when I went to the Lowe's department store with this neighbor a few years back so shhe could buy some materials to fix up certain problems with her house since she was trying to sell it. Well we parked in the parking lot and Geri started toward the store, but I had no idea where the doors were, and while I followed her I was rather cautious about it and moved a bit more slowly. Well we gotack and a ew days later Geri was talking with my mom and had the nerve to say I wasn't very good with my cane simply because I had no idea where te doors were from the car. I'll be te first to admit I'm in no way a perfect cane traveler (who is?) but I'm not as bad as all that. This neighbor's also one of those people who constantly nags me to get a guide dog because in her opinion my life would be so much better.
It drives me nuts when people come up to me and ask me if i know another blind guy they knew years and years ago.
Some people act like every blind person knows every other blind person just by virtue of both of them being blind.
Also, I don't give a shit that you had a blind friend in germany one time and he could or couldn't do whatever you're currently rambling on about as I'm trying to cross a street or ride the bus.
Go away.
Ugh, an earlier post brought a memory back to the surface.
People who make cute baby noises at the dog like I'm not there. I had to tell a guy off for that when some friends of mine and I were on our way to a welcome meal for a fellow student at the center in Minneapolis, like, two weeks beforeI graduated. He seemed a little embarrassed when I called him out on his behavior, but I don't care. I mean I certainly wasn't rude about it. At least, I hope I wasn't. I just said, "Please don't talk to the dog while she's in harness, that's very distracting," or something similar. He thanked me, and we went on our way.
A phone call I had a few days ago brought another one to the surface. here it goes:
People see a blind person on TV, usually on some reality show, and then they call you and go on and on about how amazing it is that the blind person made it on the show and is doing everything everyone else is doing, and is being treated equally. Perhaps they're referring more to the response they got from the producers of the show more so than the person themselves, but they're amazed by things that most of us do every day, like cooking, walking independently, performing, ETC. don't get me wrong. hey, that person managed to make it on the show? Great. Cool. I just don't care that they happen to be blind.
I bet some people flip out when they see us use a touch screen, sorry, touch screens are no longer just for the sighted any more.
Oh yeah. I've gotten that reaction sometimes when people see me pull out my IPhone to answer or make a call or look up an address.
I've gotten that reaction from older relatives even when I'm texting, and I use a standard phone. Then again they're the type who think everything I do is extraordinary just because I'm blind.
I hate it when people go all "you are so amazing." when I am doing something. Oh and there was this one person who said "wow, you know where everything is at." when I pulled my IPod out of my purse. um I should know where everything is, it's my purse isn't it? lol
I have been in physical therapy twice now, and have heard the same stuff that they never have worked with a totally blind person before; they always worked with somebody with vision. I want the therapy, not the 20 questions, but guess what? Before the therapist gets into the therapy itself, there are the 20 questions. As old as I am, I still don't get it why there isn't a course for the professionals, doctors, therapists etc on dealing with totally blind people.
LOL I know. My cuurrent GF's parents, although they've gotten better since, seemed amazed when I went camping with them and could get up to go take a leak all on my own.
people that talk about others behind there back. and not takeing a shower. gets to me. really badely. we've got to vew ourself good.
Interesting point Bryan: these people at an event (I forget who and where) asked me how a guy could stand up and piss if you are blind. And I explained it to them. it's really not rocket science.
People who try to get my attention by shouting: “Hey, blind man!” Okay, I’m blind and I’m a man, but rather than stating the obvious and making me feel conspicuous, just come up to me and say: “Hey buddy,” or mister, or sir, or man, or whatever. Or is your aim to be totally ignored by me? Cuz if that's the case, you've done very well by it.
People who think that because I am blind, they ahve to talk slower... or louder...
Ever had the people yel at you from across the street or in their car, 'It's green! You can go now!" Or something else related to the flow of traffic? I'm usually polite and yell thank you in return over the noise and they leave me alone.
I don't mind so much when motorists do that.. sometimes it is helpful in a confusing street crossing... but I LOVE *sarcasm* when I am walking down the sidewalk or across a street, and some moron thinks that honking their horn is helpful...
Could you translate? I don't speak Honk! LOL!
Well so long as you put your own safety ahead of comforting their need to feel like they're helping you. If you are crossing a street, you know what you know based on traffic.
But, what you don't know is, the character of the motorist calling to you. You don't even know that you're the person they're calling to. You don't know how good a judge they are of distance or anything else. And honestly, you often don't get enough information to be useful to you. So I generally ignore it at move on. Remember if you get hit it's not that motorist's fault, it's yours more often than not, according to insurance claims. I'd rather trust decades of experience and even Nature's instincts itself than some random stranger who only had five seconds to tell me something. It's hard enough for them to do that adequately when they're trying to communicate with someone sighted and have the benefit of pointing and gesturing: did they mean I should go that way, or look out in that direction?
I mean no ill will towards anyone doing it, simply stating what is probably the obvious though.
If you're going to be paying for any fallout from a situation, you're in command, so act it. Getting out of the danger situation first and then re-assess if you need to. They're doing what may be instinctive for them at the time, but you gotta stay together and navigate. I interpret shouts from motorists the way I interpret situations where someone clearly doesn't know what they're doing, and I'm the one that's paying the fare, as it were. Not a good or a bad thing to not know what they're doing, equally fine for us to pass them by and get safely back on the sidewalks.
leo's last post is right on, I must say.
Oh yeah, such honkers and shouters from afar are more a distraction, especially when I'm trying to listen to the traffic pattern. Guess they'll lose their heavenly brownie points because I did not jump when they said jump, huh? LOL! The ones I find the most amusing, speaking of shouters from the sidelines, are the ones who are convinced me and stairwells are incompatible and want to tell me I'm going the wrong way once they see I'm within feet of a stairwell. Doesn't matter I was climbing up and down said stairs every day on my commute to classes, they're bound and determined that something other than stairs is easier.
How many of you get the "where you tryin' to go?" And when you tell them, they say good luck.
When people ask me where are you going or where are you trying to go, I usually just say " A walk." It gets the point across that (a) I'll ask for your assistance if I'm lost, and (b) it's none of your business unless I'm lost and ask your assistance. As for Leo's post, the most of the time I do tend to ignore shouters or honkers, but the one time when I was still living in Manhattan, I'm sorta glad I didn't because this car drove straight through Madison Avenue as I was crossing the street. I could tell by the shouter's general tone that something was very wrong. The car was coming so fast that if I hadn't turned tail and run back the other way, I'd probably been roadkill. Either way though, you better just exercise good judgment.
Oh, trying! Hahahahahaha, that whole thing just makes me laugh, inside of course, when people ask me if I'm trying to do something. To me, there's a distinction between trying to do something and doing something, and I guess in people's heads everything we do is just a try, as if the possibility of utter hopeless failure is perhaps 98 percent possible. What was I doing the last time that happened? Oh yeah, had my fare card for our local transportation system in my pocket and I was reaching in my pocket to get it when I was asked if I was trying to run my card by the scanner. I did it and told the feller, "not only id I try to do it, I believe I succeeded." Then for the rest of the day I was thinking of the whole trying bit and taking everything I did and slapping the whole thing about truying on it, which made my day seem to be an utter pathetic failure if everything I did was just a try. Yep, tried to go to classes, then tried to go to Subway where I tried to order a meatball sub, then I tried to pay for my order and tried to get back to classes. See what I mean?
Oh, and I need to add this. I understand people are wanting to be helpful and of course they mean well, because they mean well with everything they say or do to us no matter what, right? But anyhow, I think asking a person "where are you going?" sounds more like you're being interrogated and not helped, like you're at some border crossing getting your passport scanned and customs papers filled out.
Too true, Godzilla. And then the same person will ask you three or four times can they help you across the street. Not just once, and go away with a polite "No thanks." It's three or four times when you're trying to talk to a friend about where you want to go for dinner or which way you want to go there. Had that happen to me once too, and it really pissed us both off.
People who don't move the hell out of the way, even after bumping into them with your cane, after having politely asked them to move. People who leave their stuff and sit on the staircase of a building, and won't get their ass up, even after some blind people have fallen over them previously.
With all my heart and soul, I hate it when people stand in front of doors or doorways. Move the fuck out of the way!
Now that I have a guide dog, I also hate it when people try to hold the door open for me, but they're doing one of those half'assed jobs where they are standing in the doorway while doing it, so there's no room for me and the dog. Most of the time, I just go through my own door. I have trained my dog to always go through the door on the right, and often people hold the one on the left. I love their reactions when I go through the other door.
Mine would have to be the people who deliberately cut in front of me, then say, "oh, sorry about that." Bull shit you aren't sorry, don't even bother. I hope you trip.
Actually, there was even one time when somebody did that to me. So I didn't slow down or anything, because I was sick of it happening here on campus for a long time. But anyway, the guy had the nerve to raise his voice and actually shout, excuse me! So I proceeded to make sure I didn't get out of his way, I stared at him and said, no. You can excuse the fuck out of me, thank you. He walked away very quickly. It probably wasn't the most mature way to handle the situation and I take accountability of that, and though I was having a hard day that isn't really an excuse.
Well, it's interesting how people think that you don't notice there intentions just cause one can't see. It also pisses the hell out of me when having a conversation amongst many people, and after saying something, one person has to whisper, laugh and make jestures. I overheard someone whisper something like: *she's blind, her eyes don't look at them. And I'm like, Excuse me, what was that? And they say, oh nothing, we're listening to you. I was explaining to them the answers to their questions. I felt like saying, fuck you! I just went on with them, but yeah
One of the creepiest being-blind experiences I've had was in a subway station in a large city. I was waiting for my train, and these people started talking about me as if I wasn't there. "I got an auntie who's blind." "I bet she has trouble doing everythin." "I've never talked to a blind person before." I cleared my throat and said something polite, and they talked over me. That was the part that creeped me out. I thought my interruption would get their attention, but it didn't. I felt like one of those Twilight Zone characters who can't get anyone to notice them. It was downright unsettling, and haunted me for a couple of days.
Most of the time, I figure people are just not thinking, and they are nervous. That was brought home to me once when a quadraplegic asked me to get his wallet out of his pocket for him. We were paying for coffee at a cafe. I suddenly got very shy and almost refused, but then I thought about him trying to get along in the world, just like me and everybody else. I told him I was nervous, but I would give it a try. It was awkward for a few seconds, but it worked out. We both laughed and actually sat at a table together and talked. That put things into perspective just a bit.
Now can you imagine the conversation that creeped you out, except let's substitute the word blind for the word black. Or Latino, which is the new black, to some people. Now, they would expect people like you or I who work and pay taxes like anyone else, to just sit down, shut up and accept it. However, would they expect this of the black, the Asians, the gays, or any other groups? The real question is, in an age of so-called diversity, why are we, whose tax dollars spend the same as everybody else's, such second-class? Truth be told, all through life we meet groups of people that we have not met before and yet for most of them we don't conduct ourselves this way. In fact, people are more likely to treat humanely someone who has just gotten out of prison for committing a crime.
As to the situation with the person in a wheelchair, I get that: I have made mistakes that way thinking they could not lift heavy objects like us, since they are all strapped in there. But I would have never considered talking around them or acting like they weren't there. The aircraft pilot who educated me just told me there was different kinds of mobility impairments and he could well enough lift anything I could, and continue to fly his fixed-wing.
Misperceptions are one thing: talking around someone as though they're an embicile or not even there is quite another, and quite base behavior, in my opinion. It shows a general lack of understanding of humanity in general, it's ot a disability issue. Think of all the thousands of people you've encountered in your life who do not do that.
Sir? Sir? Sirsirsirsirsirsirsirsir? Scuze me sir?
LOL. It's even ore awkward when you get grabbed by someone who starts pulling you along or trying to but can't speak a word of English. So they're gabbling on in their native language and you're like huh? This has happened to me on a few occasions. I suspect that on at least one of those my would-be helper was the elderly Bosnian neighbor who kept confusing my apartment for hers at all hours of the day and night.
That reminds me of the time a woman kept trying to put money in my hand. "Here, here, here! For you!" I was angry that she did it, but I was even angrier that I felt a little tempted to take it. So I let it flutter to the ground. I don't know what happened, but my bet is that she snatched it up again. Folks are odd sometimes.
I had that happen to me once during my stint as a bell ringer for the Salvation Army. I wasn't necessarily angry but I knew that bell giners aren't allowed to accept anything personally except for little snacks and/or hot drinks. But this lady put a fiver or a tenner in my work cap and so I slipped it into my kettle.
It pisses the hell out of me when you're eating dinner, for example, and the host asks you. Want more water? And before you can say no, because you don't want water they give it to you! I said once to that person. Why do you ask me if I want something, and give it to me right away without letting me respond? She said, because I'm the one serving dinner! when you are asked, for example, where would you like to go tonight? Italian or chinese, does chinese sound good to you? We haven't had any in a while. I usually say, in that case. What would you like? For I know I'm given the wanted opinion before I'm able to give mine! Basicly I have no fuckin choice! If you want my opinion, for goodness sake, please, don't make me or others seem as if they don't have any choice. So when I say Chinese, they're like. Yeah, I thought chinese would be nice! Fuck, man!
Woops, I read it had to do with o&m, sorry! lol! but I had to add that there...
Wow, fail. lol.
Though I love the city of Chicago, I've had some rather irritating travel experiences in the AmTrak union station there. I had to deal with mostly rude, obnoxious staff there who felt the need to grab and pull me in the direction I needed to go without even acknowledging that I may have a better way of having it done. I don't care if it was loud on the platform or what the situation was, that isn't a safe thing to do. I won't allow a person to drag or push me between two drop offs which I could fall off of and be crushed by a train. I was sure to take control of the situation, but I had to deal with their rude, moody attitude in return which put me in a bad dick mood most of the time. And from what I've heard, the staff at Oher airport in Chicago are pretty much the same.
People think if they grab and steer us it will help.
Ever get someone grabbing and gragging you by the shirt sleeve? I fucking hate that.
Indeed. In fact they think they are helping us in a lot of ways, because they think they know what is best for us. They feel as though they need to be the one in control of you so that you won't get hurt. But yet, not everyone is careful enough to take on such a responsibility. A long time ago I took someone's arm in a grocery store, and they walked me right in to a shelf of cereal boxes. Ever since then I was never a fan of sighted guide.
I'm fairly lucky on this front. I've been grabbed many a time, but I don't freak out as much as some of you, though I do intensely dislike it. What I don't much care for is being made a fool of.
Picture this. I'm at a bus station wanting to buy a ticket with my debit card. There's a guy in a glassed-in booth, and a few people behind me; the bus will arrive in ten minutes.
Me: All right, these debit machines are always different. Can you help me out a bit? (I'm speaking loudly enough so that he can hear me for certain.)
Guy: Okay, here's the machine, you can just put your PIN in now.
Me: Oh. I thought I'd have to tell whether it was chequing or savings first.
Guy: Just put in your PIN.
Me: Okay. ...All right, it beeped as soon as I hit a button, a long beep that doesn't sound right.
Guy: Here, let me see it. (pause) You did it wrong, try again.
Me: Damn it. All right. (another try) Nope, same result. And I still haven't told you or anyone whether it's chequing or savings...
Guy: No, sir, you just have to put in your PIN.
Me (finally getting frustrated): Look. I've never once seen a debit machine where you put your PIN in first, so can you actually read me the little prompt on-screen and tell me what it's asking? I don't want to miss my bus.
Guy: Look, you're holding up the line.
And it was at this point that a woman behind me stepped up beside me and said, again, rather loudly, "All right, I'll help you. This guy doesn't have a fucking clue." and proceeded to do just that. Walked me through the prompts, then turned her back (I got hit with her knapsack when she turned) while I entered my PIN, and that was that.
I hate being treated like I'm an idiot when I know I'm doing something right. Whether that's getting somewhere, doing something specific like finding a room or whatnot, it doesn't matter.
Oh, and I've been known to get a bit...aggressive when people have all kinds of room to congregate and still! stand in front of doors. Clipping ankles with the cane seems to clear 'em out.
Well, it depends. Sometimes you have to be more assertive when someone grabs you, because "you don't need to do that." or "Could you please let go of my arm, I appreciate that you are trying to help me but I am ok." isn't enough. Of course it isn't wise to be a jerk right off the bat, but sometimes when someone grabs you, it can startle you.
Now, now, Shepherdwolf, be nice;, you.
Ugh, I hate being grabbed; I'm a small woman and it's harder for me to assert myself physically sometimes.
Now, now, Shepherdwolf, be nice;, you.
Ugh, I hate being grabbed; I'm a small woman and it's harder for me to assert myself physically sometimes.
Oh I know. Sometimes i eally have to workhard not to slap someone whenthey grab me, especially whe they grab really suddenly and tightly. And even as valuable as a polite approach is it doesn't always work with these people. If they don't get snippy with you for being what the consider an ungrateful bastard they act like they didn't hear your polite request that they let go of your shirt sleeve.
I've adapted what I concider to be a slightly cold, yet not exactly unkind tone.
I usually don't have a problem simply shaking a person off while saying something like "It's all right, I'm fine", or, if I want to or need to be led, "Can I get your arm instead?" And most people are okay with that. I'm not making any judgment calls on people who are less okay with being grabbed than I am.
And don't worry, Meglet, I don't hit hard or anything. I just don't take pains to be particularly gentle either. If you have a ton of space to move around in and still insist on gabbling your heads off while standing in front of the only way outside, as people at my college are wont to do, then you basically deserve what you get. I don't have a ton of patience for people who are being obstructive for no good reason. If I found out there was a good reason for them standing there, I wouldn't be nearly so hard about it.
Nor should you take pains to be gentle in this instance. We would not be having this discussion if we were talking about someone trying to grab a woman who was not blind. This is a problem, and again, we perpetuate it by saying this form of physical congrontation we are supposed to just accept or at most be nice and sweet about. Again, different standards are being applied to us. And I have the lens now of being a parent of a teenage daughter: never in a million years would I propose that she be all nice and sweet to an assailant.
Hell we even teach little kids that just because someone says they want to help you doesn't mean they do. Think long and hard about the many of thousands of sighted people who pass you by who choose not to engage in physical confrontational and unsafe behaviors. They are the best testimony against those who grab, and they are the majority.
I should say, for clarification, that many juries do not accept child abuse or other past events as an excuse for crime. The reason? Millions have been abused, sad as that is, but most of those millions do not engage in crime.
So again, a majority of sighted people are not physically grabbing others on the street, blind or not. Only a few are. When I was younger I was fed the mainstream claptrap platitudes about so-called educating and giving these people a free pass. In reality that is what they get, a free pass, and go on justifying why they did what it is they did. And most people, most sighted people, don't engage in this behavior.
Again, just because someone says they are trying to help you doesn't mean they're trying to help you. As evidenced by people telling me the light was green when it was clearly red, and cars were zipping right in front of me. I take people at their actions, and I suggest for your safety that you do the same. You owe them nothing if they grab you. In fact, that's rather insulting to the thousands you've had pass you by, who never grab and never misbehave like that.
This conversation reminds me of a time in uni last year when some complete stranger came up to me as I was walking confidently to class, put his arm around my waist (I've been taught to break a grip on my arm or wrist but not that sort of grab) and started steering me off in the wrong direction. I told him I knew where I was going but he kept walking off with me down a hallway I wasn't trying to go down. Finally he had the decency to ask me where I wanted to go and when I explained that I wanted to find room 6-262, he started walking back to where I'd originally be heading, all the while treating me as though he was doing some monumental favour. This was mostly okay except that you never, ever put your arm around a person who A: doesn'tknow you, and B: can't see you.
I was also grabbed by a member of cleaning staff from the same college; she grabbed both my wrist and elbow and asked curtly: "Where you want to go?" "uh...the way I'm currently heading, thanks?" Ugh.
Right, and you are right to be upset.
I seriously hope that those who advocate being nice and sweet to an assailant are never ever ever to be considered responsible for the health and safety of another human being. ronically, if you were sighted, you could have easily charged the guy with some form of harassment, in particular putting his arm around your waist like that is quite the compromising situation. He could have quite easily taken you off-balance.
People who advocate anything a free pass for assailants, are clearly in favor of an unsafe environment, not just for the blind but everyone.
I get that he was trying to be helpful, don't get me wrong. But you just. don't. grab. people.
If he was trying to be helpful, he would have asked you. Sorry, I used to buy the trying-to-be-helpful thing when I was younger, but now that I have raised a teenage girl my mindset is forever different. You were in the right to be sacred and upset, and he was in the wrong. There is no excuse for grabbing like that, ever.
Hell even a rescue swimmer has something to say before they take hold of the victim, so they know who it is.
You were in the right, he was clearly in the wrong, and knows it. We all know this is not acceptable behavior to grab random stangers like this. And we technically don't know that he was trying to be helpful.
I don't by this trying to be helpfull rubbish myself. Oh and if this should ever happen again, you could probably slip away out of his grasp. If you do it quickly, you will take him off guard.
as a really tiny woman myself, and as someone who isn't afraid to be assertive, I absolutely agree with those saying that it's never, under any circumstances, okay to grab someone.
there's no way to know what their intentions are, and I'd rather appear cold to someone and be safe, than be nice to someone and end up in a sticky situation.
my safety is first and foremost, as far as I'm concerned.
Definitely agreed. I think the only reason I didn't put up much of a fight was that I was very new to both the college and the notion of being grabbed (I grew up in a small town where I knew practically everyone) so I was confused and a little frightened. I know I won't be so docile in future, though.
Not to mention you were probably horrified.
The strangest O&M experience I had was a few years ago, when I was getting ready to cross a street and someone randomly grabbed the end of my cane and tried dragging me across that way. It took me a minute to regain my composure and pull my cane loose from the hand of whoever this person was, and then another minute for the person to realize I wasn't going anywhere until I was ready.
People don't realize that has to be one of the stupidest, dangerous things to do for a blind person. That's like taking a person out of a wheelchair at the top of a flight of stairs and expecting them to make it down safely. That is deffinetly another thing that pisses me off, and it's happened to me on more than one occasion. Now, the example I gave was slightly more drastic, but the point I'm trying to get at is people can't take away something used for mobility, because that elliminates two essential things, safety and freedom. Unacceptable.
Why are people so idiotic? I swear they don't have a brain in their heads!
I'm not justifying this, but I'm told there are some African cultures where people are somehow taught or believe you are to guide a blind person by the cane. Don't quote me but it's a thing I've heard and it's happened to me. It's strange. I dunno if they are afraid to touch us for superstitious reasons or what the deal is, maybe somebody who knows more can enlighten.
I also heard that in African cultures, it is good luck to rape a blind woman. That doesn't make it alright.
Uh...whaaaat? That's far and away the weirdest superstition I've ever heard.
I tell you what. When I go to Africa, they can lead me around by my cane. But I don't live in Africa, and this isn't an African culture.
you know what i hate when people try to guide you but they have their arm like 2 feet away from their body so it makes guiding you really clumsy and there's no way to like make them hold their arm closer to their body!
Also i hate when they guide you and they walk so so slow! i tell them it's ok you can walk a little faster but no they insist on crawling along to where i feel i have to pull them lol
I want a gf that'll let me walk sighted boob.
Well, wherever a person comes from, being guided by your cane is still kind of odd and you want to inquire if the person thinks you're contagious? People are pathetic. LOL!
There's only one instance whenI've let someone grab the other end of my cane. That was in PE class when we were doing our run around the track. It enabled them to keep me going in the right direction while keeping enough distance between us so that we didn't trip each other's feet or constantly bump into each other. But I definitely agree about te grabbing. I'm a pretty small guy myself especially for my height. But wile I haven't had to do it in quite a long time Ihave been taught how to break a person's grip when they grab you and start trying to pull you where they think you want to go. The awkward part is when the person grabbing you can't or chooses not to speak English and so they're gabblingat you in whatever their native language is. In my old apartment complex there were a lot of Bosnians and sometimes when I'd be outside one would come up and try to grab me and pull me somewhere, even thoug there might be no sign at all that I was about to go anywhere. I could be waiting for my mom to come pick me up and they'd ust grab me out of nowhere. LOL. As for people standing in front of the only door I had plenty of that in Elementary and High School. Some would deiberately put themselves in such a position that there was almost no possible way for me to nit get at least one of them with my cane, the purpose being so that they could then go tell a teacher that I was hitting them deliberately.
I was grabbed by this guy that spoke no english. I tried to protest but all I heard in response was "blub blub blub...green card...blub!"
I was out with a fellow blind person today trying to get somewhere, and this guy with very little English tried to help us by routinely yelling "more left, more left!" at regular intervals. Oh boy.
Gotta love it! Reminds me of the time my wife and I, both blind folks of course, were doing some stuff in the mall and wanted to eat in the food court. That was OK until we decided to leave, me with my cane and she with her guide dog. Some young men, who I think had decent command of English, started directing us this way. "Go left-left-left-left-left-left-left!" What's with the repetition? Do you think that if you say left just once I'm only going to move one step like in a video game?
Lol I've wondered that too! Do they repeat it once for each step or something? Although it's happened to me when someone was trying to tell me I should stop, so that kind of shoots that theory down. Contrary to what they believe, "stop" works just as well, if not better, than "stop-stop-stop-stop-stop!"
They sound like they're panicking, and for all I know the poor fools are just scared to death that if they don't save your day right then and there, you might trip over a bump in the sidewalk, fall straight over and die from the fall and they'll have the guilt to bear for the rest of their miserable fear-drenched lives for not coming to your immediate rescue from that mean old bad old bump in the sidewalk. LOL!
LOL. A few years ago I was taking a Greyhound to visit a potential romantic partner (this was back when I was still more open to trying long distance relationships). Well it just so happened that on the bus with me when I left my home town was this elderly lady who sat next to me for part of te first ride. She was on crutches, but because there's never much room on Greyhound buses the way she had said crutches situated meant that anytime the bus would make a right turn the crutches would hit me. As if that wasn't annoyin enough te lady would complain about everything and kept driving everyone else crazy. "Bus driver! Bus driver! Bus driver!" She also had the nerve to tell me during out of our transfer stops that, "you should wear a great big sign around your neck that says I'm blind!" Apparently my having a white cane wasn't indication enough. Fortunately she wasn't on the bus with me for the whole trip and I breathed a definite sigh of relief when our paths finally diverged.
She should where a big sign around her neck that says, "I'm an ignorant old bag!"
Yeah, that's the unfortunate thing about greyhound. You don't always know what you are sitting next to until the bus leaves. Lol.
omg,
I will never, ever, ever take a bus to go somewhere out of state. Too many horror stories.
RO meglet. There was also a lady that was trying to help us get into the mall, and she was like, OK, let's go... and just stood there! I finally told her it was okay to move... ROFL!
LOL. I wanted to tell this lady to get her own sign that would say I'm stupid. Then a few years back I was walking with my mom to Subway for lunch as a training exercise wen I was working on getting ready for m home interview with Guide Dogs for the Blind. We got up to a particularly busy intersection and I listened to the traffic and udged when it was safe to cross. So I started to cross and this idiot lady chose that moment to turn into the street I was crossing. I didn't hear this part but apparently she started yelling curses at me. I heard the honking but not the aledged swearing. She apparently didn't care that pedestrians have the right of way.
Lol what a stupid, sorry, foolish turd she was.
Yeah really. Everybody else who was waiting at that intersection was apparently staring at tis woman in shock
I'm sure they were.
I love it when someone offers you help you don't need, then acts all proud when you do what you're supposed to do--and what you'd have done anyway--as if they've done you some great service. I let them get away with it mostly because, well, life's too short to get annoyed with complete strangers when they're trying to help and doing no harm, but it's still pretty amusing. Yesterday, I was standing, waiting to cross, and this random gentleman comes up to me and says: "This is a very dangerous crossing, do you want to come stand next to the light?" "Uh, no...I'm okay thanks..." then, when I proceeded to cross at the appropriate time, he waited till I'd taken three or four steps before going "okay, you're safe to cross now" as though he'd saved my life or something. I smiled and nodded, and all the rest of it. lol
I gotta admit you're better than I; I'd just ignore the guy and continue on as though he didn't say anything.
I was tempted; I was trying to listen to the traffic, not to some stranger jabbering. Still, he meant well, and since I'd never just cross or not cross on his word (which would mean he might be putting me in danger) I figure it's okay to be nice when you know you're being safe about it.
This puts me in mind of someone in my class in grade six telling me it was safe to cross a street when it wasn't. The street wasn't horribly busy, but I was with y entire class and honestly not paying too much mind to what I was doing. It's a mistake you only make once, I tell ya. Anyway, I paused, he said "No, go ahead, it's safe", and I took exactly a step and a half before I heard a car going about forty kilometers an hour approaching from the left. Needless to say I scampered backward, and the teacher who saw and heard him do it just about tore the guy a new asshole. I figure adults are probably pretty safe, but ever since then, I've owed it to myself to just wait and be sure, unless it's someone I know really well who's right there with me.
Amen. Help is great, but trust yourself first. Always.
Yup, right on.